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18 April 2005 @ 01:19 pm
love comes in colors i cant deny  
there is a thunderstorm today which means that the air is thick with my favourite smell. texas in the rain. of course it also means that i have the migraine from hell and have four more hours of florescent lights pounding down on my skull, before im able to go home and lie on my uncomfortable bed. only i cant cause i have to go to the store and then pick up my sister. then i can go home but its only to pick up a few things and take them over to my parents house again along with their anniversary present which if i do say so myself is quite a good idea. and was that the longest run-on sentence in the history of the world? i believe it was.

so im at my wits end with this job. im constantly exhausted and my health is getting worse and worse. i am really not healthy enough to work full time and its scaring me cause what am i supposed to do in ireland if i cant work. im trying to look at the big picture. the more days i drag myself to the office, the more money i have for ireland and prep for ireland. but its getting harder and harder to care. i need to buy my ticket to cali and my ticket for ireland but i have no idea when im going to be able to go. im too worn out when i get home to do more than collapse into bed or veg out. i havent packed ANYTHING since i started. maybe i should talk to my mom about helping me pack. the problem is when. i have plans every weekend until i leave and im at work all day.

*sigh* i didnt mean for this to be a downer, i was in a good mood. well, ish. im just so so tired and i hurt all over and im frustrated cause a dream ive had for twenty one years is within my grasp and i can see it crumbling all around me and i just want to give up and cry. but i dont cry. or feel things. so instead ill go home, drink vodka, and break stuff.

emotional instability is fun!

kisses
-b
 
 
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Current Music: blew away - smashing pumpkins