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18 October 2003 @ 10:45 am
i dont wanna die, but i aint keen on living either  
by this point in my life im used to being a screw-up. but i at least thought that i was able to perform normal day to day functions without assistance. apparently that opinion was both presumptuous and wrong.

my grandmother died three years ago of ovarian cancer. ever since then i have wanted to to the race for the cure in her honour. every year i was unable to. this year i was supposed to actually do it. i had my shirt and my number and had paid and everything. and then my alarm clock didnt go off. i woke up at ten thirty. the race was at seven. so much for honouring my grandmothers memory. it was the perfect year, the perfect opportunity and as usual i messed it up. i thought that just waking myself wasnt overly ambitious. but i must have set my goals too high.

i guess im just disappointed in myself. again.

am i hopeless case?? am even i beyond redemption?? probably so. but does that mean that i have to accept this fate quietly? nothing i do is quiet and i dont intend to start now.

with tentative hope,
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: robbie williams - sexed up
she's sick from chlorine but she'll never be clean: therefore i crysoftest_fire on October 23rd, 2003 09:15 am (UTC)
do you really think you are hopeless? i hope not. i think we should talk, i hate talking via email and lj... what would be a good time? i just dont like things unsettled, but if you dont want to talk i can deal with it, i just wanted to try before it seemed like a lost cause.

queenie bbluebirdgirl on October 23rd, 2003 02:12 pm (UTC)
tomorrow (friday) i should b home almost all day. anytime then should be fine.