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02 May 2003 @ 05:25 am
hour 36 with no sleep.....  
why am i such a useless human being?

why dont i get a job? why cant i get to sleep before dawn, ever? why do i just sit around my house all day doing nothing? why cant i keep my house clean? why do i only feel anger or like crying? why do i cry all the time now when i never used to cry except maybe three times a year? why do not care about anything? why cant i lose the last ten pounds? why do i want to just give up? why wont my brain stop going over all the stupid things ive ever done? why cant i get my life together? why cant i make myself BE someone, instead of the useless waste of skin i am? why am i boring people at five am when any decent person would have been able to sleep hours ago? why do i have to hurt 24 hours a day?

it looks like my dog is going to live. and unfortunately so am i.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Xenialadyaltona on May 2nd, 2003 07:18 am (UTC)
*hands over a yellow rose*
awww hope you feel better soon.

mooziemamamoozie on May 2nd, 2003 08:24 am (UTC)
Oh, sweetie
clinical depression can cause everything you're feeling. That, and sleep deprivation. You're not a waste of skin, you're a bright, intelligent, funny, witty caring human. Except you don't know much about Pain Your Wagon, but I can forgive you for that too. (By the way, the stupid song that Clint Eastwood sang in that movei was "I Talk to the Trees".)

Call me and vent later if you want to sweetie. I only work half day today.

queenie bbluebirdgirl on May 2nd, 2003 08:35 am (UTC)
Re: Oh, sweetie
thank you so much for your kind words.

im sure i just need to sleep one full night, up my dosage, or get some new pain pills. or a combo of all three. once the wedding stress is over, im sure i will feel better. plus when i finally find a job and can afford to go to the dr again, that will help to.

you are very nice to me. it means so much.
she's sick from chlorine but she'll never be clean: fibro dayssoftest_fire on May 2nd, 2003 09:02 am (UTC)
aww jack mac
you are queen of the world, i am queen of crying and pain so there. now that we have our roles straight... ill tell you wise words i once heard from an Academy Award Winner

'snap out of it'

girl i know you. get your cute bum to the dr., get into therapy and get some meds for your head that work better, see about your hip, get meds for the pain for that in the meantime.. dont dwell on getting a job, at this moment its not that high of a priority as your well being is.. your parents have always been there, and if you feel lame for having them always help you then uh hello... i like live with mine.. so honey... it aint all that bad. it just looks that way through tears... i love you more than you know... and i know you are tough and i know you can pick yourself up from it all, and you are one of the few people that can do that.. and i admire at that.. im here always if you need me... i love you tons, i miss you more, and im praying...

cos im your poodle :]
That Person, Over Therehanauma on May 2nd, 2003 09:50 am (UTC)
*snuggles* =))
Girl so many people suffer from depression, medicine is a help for a diease. Not a cruch, not a sign of weakness. I had to snap out of that mentality, I felt like something was wrong with me because I had to take medicine for being sad. And I did snap out of it and take the medicine for a bit, and now I don't take it at all !! =))



When you feel better let's hang out together =))
Teh Uber-Dork!paradisehope on May 2nd, 2003 02:18 pm (UTC)
Aw..... *huggles*
Cheer up, Becca. Remember, I'm spending the night at your house... I think. Unless you don't want me to anymore. And, mom's making Crab... well, okay, "krab" to be more specific, sauteed in melted butter tonight. I think you're invited. Hey, maybe when I come over tonight I can help you go through your job applications if you want me to. If it'll make you feel better. And if you want to sleep, I can smash you over the head with a blunderbuss... or something.

Love you
ex_savoytruf156 on May 2nd, 2003 07:38 pm (UTC)
Answers to your questions...
Honey, it is because you're imperfect. Danielle is in pain because she's imperfect, Moozie's husband(for the life of me, I can't think of his name. Frank?) is in pain because he's imperfect, EVERYONE is in pain because they're imperfect. Don't worry dear, it isn't your fault. It is Satan and his horrible world that we have to live in. It will be better. Hang on. Just keep hanging on. I know you are strong and don't want to cry but you know, you can come cry on me. I've got two dry shoulders that don't mind being wet with tears...just not snot. ;) I'll pray for you dear, along with everyone else in this world. Please, please, hang on. We all love you.

Sending you much love,