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04 September 2002 @ 08:54 am
youre so good to me, and i know that it aint easy....  
last night i drove out to my friends house and told him how i felt. it was so wonderful and tragic at the same time. it didnt go at all the way i had planned (you know how i hate that), but i still was able to do it, i got it out and im hoping that means next time it will be easier for me to be honest with people about things concerning myself. maybe this will start a precedent. i got the reaction i expected for the most part and im glad that i decided to start my long journey back to me-ness with him, hes very nice. so nice in fact i found myself feeling a little guilty on the drive home. i really only told him for me, for selfish reasons, cause i have to admit my biggest fear was that he would feel the same way about me. however, he didnt and its really quite a feeling. i had forgotten.

i have gotten feedback from some of you, telling me not to be depressed. while i appreciate that you care about me, i must admit that depression can not be ordered away at will, but i am seeing hope for the future now that i am taking action to insure my happiness with myself, ergo my life and others.

i also feel hopeful that maybe i will win the lottery thereby enabling me to pay my rent (fingers crossed).
gosh this honesty thing, i had forgotten how cleansed you feel once its out in the open. maybe next time i see a certain friend, i should mention how ugly that skirt of hers is......... maybe not.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: josephine - wallflowers
ex_savoytruf156 on September 4th, 2002 11:02 am (UTC)

i was hoping he'd feel the same for you but give him time, i'm sure he will seeing you're wonderful! :D hehe
Anyway, i'm glad you feel better. I've got a question for ya. Do u think i should start my journal back up so u can read it? i doubt no one else will so i don't know.
Love ya lots!
P.S. i'm in the process of writing another story ;)
queenie bbluebirdgirl on September 4th, 2002 02:53 pm (UTC)
three times i have forbidden you....
first of all, i absolutly refuse to allow you to start a new story until you have completed your last one. that being said, i want to read it. i think it is purely your decision hwether or not to reinstate your journal. if you do i would read it. if not ill undersatnd. and thee will be no more "coming around" talk, i want nothing to do with it. im happy with the way things turned out. it was exactly the way i had hoped they would. call me tonight and ill explain, if you have trouble believing that. love you. b.