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01 October 2002 @ 04:59 pm
and now for something completely different  
its starts innocently enough. just a glance, a touch of the hand, a shared smile and then suddenly its blooming inside, making your chest swell and your toes warm. you begin to ponder ways to see him, reasons to call, inventing parties to have him near. he makes you funnier, prettier, sharper, softer, nicer, and calmer. around him you are the person you know you can be. you suddenly realize that with out your permission and against your better judgment, your heart sings when hes around and your stomach instinctively flattens. you are ashamed to have let yourself feel something.

but slowly, your fear lessens, your faith grows, and you start to think maybe it wasnt me, maybe this time it will turn out okay. you allow those feelings to take root and grow until your bursting with a riot of emotions and its so new and you feel so alive and a feeling is actually penetrating the drug addled senses that have been dulled and are rusty with disuse. you feel like this is your chance to be alive, your chance to prove that you can be someone that feels normal things. your breath catches at the splendor of such an opportunity.

than slowly, little by little, things start to go wrong. you feel as if you are a doll made of yarn and you are slowly being unraveled little by little, until you are too weak to do anything except lay there and watch it happen. and repeat to yourself over and over again
i used to be alive, i used to have hope...
 
 
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