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16 February 2007 @ 12:31 am
sing me something soft...  
WARNING: STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS ANGST FOLLOWING...

you know, betrayal is a funny word. its obviously laden with over-dramatic connotations, which of course you know i love and adore. at the same time it has almost taken on a humorous edge from being so over the top. but you know when some one stabs you in the back or screws you over, it really is the most apt description for what just happened to you. i am not at liberty to really say too much at this point, but to be overly vague about everything, it just makes me sad when i allow myself to forget that people are inherently out for themselves. and it really does seem inborn in some people. like they don't even realize they are doing it. i guess i can understand that to some extent. i am a bitch. i am. its something that i cant help and 75% of the time i don't realize i am doing it. the other 25% of the time of course is because i am self involved jerk who is emotionally abusive to the people she loves. generally i don't realize thats why i am saying horrible things till later but i got off on a tangent here. its hard to tell if i am upset because of what has happened or if i am upset because i allowed myself to be in this position yet again. it is difficult to say which is worse. to be fooled by those you thought you loved or to be a fool...it just depends on who it is that as betrayed me and there is that word again. so succinct. it really sets a mood does it not?

in other news: my right ear is stopped up, t cajoled me out of my pout with chocolate mousse and liquor (have you ever heard of anything more diabolical?), and i am halfway through my list of movies to see before the Oscars. between the planning and cooking and last minute shopping and rearranging furniture and decorating and stringing lights and cleaning and general queening out i think i will be able to fit in at least two more. maybe three. keep your fingers crossed for me. OHMIGOD! i just remembered i still don't have a bra for my costume. crap. okay well thats something else to freak out about. where does one even purchase a brassiere that looks like something a porn star/drag queen would wear?? (my costume is...complicated)

this is the first night i have been off antibiotics so i am actually tired before three am. so i think i will go to sleep before that changes.

love and stuff
-b
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: dresden dolls - backstabber
 
 
 
Cyndi: Nun on nunsindee on February 16th, 2007 07:29 am (UTC)
fredericks in town east mall probably.