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09 September 2002 @ 09:28 am
stone washed damsel on a junk food high....  
sigh.
yesterday at the meeting a friend of mine made me mad. she said when i talked to my friend the other night, i wasnt very grownup about it. that truly upset me and then i started to think about it and, i think she was right. i was trying to protect myself by telling him i wasnt sure if i liked him or not and blithering around, when if i wanted to be myself i should have just said hey baby whats up you and me should kick it..... well maybe not those exact words, but the points the same by trying to shield myself from a rebuff i really didnt say anything at all. i was so proud and i didnt do anything. and now im more confused than i was before and have successfully managed to ensure i have no way of getting unconfused.

this is way i hate men. (well most of them)(most of the time)

i really am in a good mood. i promise. i just get mad at myself cause i dont let myself like nice guys. i always find a way to sabotage myself. i lose interested in most of them, and the ones i dont i fix it so that they lose interest in me. you know what im not capable of making these sorts of decisions. ive never even had a boyfriend that didnt hit me. so could someone who has had a nice boyfriend please tell me how to fix this?

okay back to the happiness. i had a pretty good weekend. went out in service a lot. didnt clean my house. played powerpuff girls game with my sister. ate my moms mac and cheese. went to see signs. twice. got a call from steve. hes so lovely. havent heard from him in months. am totally out of money and am living on my savings. i hope get check on friday and not monday. um, i want to go to lunch, but is only 1000 which could possibly be a little too early. k well, now ive depressed myself and i need to go shoot myself. but i have to finish my work first.
-b
 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: wallflowers - josephine