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02 September 2002 @ 03:53 pm
a life lived in fear is a life half lived  
i wonder when it was that i went from trying so smooth down the edges of my personality for others, and trying to live my life for other people. i was always so fearless, preaching total honesty, and i always felt and still do that regret is worse than a broken heart or anything else. i read somewhere that a broken heart isnt so bad cause at least a broken heart is open. but i looked at myself saturday and realized that in my struggle to prove to everyone that i really was a good girl now i lost myself and my guts, my nerve, my hellion ways, and my me-ness. i like his guy i have for a long long time, and i havent done anything about it. my friend said that i needed to be myself, she would never have hooked up with her now husband if not for me cause she never would have told him how she felt. she said to just tell him cause i was already in a bathroom stall crying, how much worse could it get? i know that shes right but i wasnt just crying about him i was crying for myself and the mockery of a sham my life has become. she said to make a little move at first. maybe switch halls, before i consider moving out of the state. or country. i think thats reasonable cause lord knows i need to do something.

i got to get back i got to get back and i dont even know how i got off the track - weezer
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: why i was born - gene
 
 
 
she's sick from chlorine but she'll never be cleansoftest_fire on September 2nd, 2002 06:28 pm (UTC)
and if you ask me to ill say to you... - gene :]
as long as you dont become a pathalogical liar, or rip off money from me and my parents, try and fool all my friends and ask me to marry you when you are already engaged to the queen and still reigning champion of white trash... ill love you :]

dont worry, someday youll feel good in you own skin and knowing that you are you, and that that is a very good thing indeed..
if you werent you i wouldnt adore you so..

yours
d